Scholarship Contest

Yesterday I came down here to participate in a full tuition scholarship (all 4 years). 1 packet of literature, 1 lecture, and 1 essay later I still have full confidence that God's will has been done. If I receive the scholarship (2 are given) it is because God wanted me to get it; if not the scholarship will go to somebody who needs it more than I do.

Honestly I am kinda torn between the two sides. If I get the scholarship sweet deal, but then my next four years are planned out. Me living on campus at Bluffton (you have to live on campus to keep the scholarship). I do not know currently whether I wish to attend college for 4 years or go for a few years and move on with my life (I do not believe that I need to know what is going to happen for the next four years of my life right now). I do believe that if I receive the scholarship that is God's way of telling me I am staying at Bluffton for the next four years and graduating.

After I completed the scholarship portion of my weekend I spent some quality time with guitar hero and Kyle. It was loads of fun. I have only played guitar hero maybe three times in my life, including yesterday. I really like it; however, when I went to sleep I definitely had a song by Matallica stuck in my head. It's all good, it was an interesting song to fall asleep to. I also tried to solve a Rubik's cube...HA, it was not successful. a super-pro at it and tried to help me, but even that didn't work. I will get it one day; I am determined.

I came back to Danae's room and we watched a Lifehouse concert on TV. Needless to say we both want to go buy their new CD now. Don't think we were lazy and sat in-front of the TV all evening. We had fun filled conversations filled with laughter and danced to soulja boy a couple of times. Hehe good times.

I was super excited about sleeping in today, but my darn self woke up before 9 and would not go back to sleep. So I gave up took a shower and wrote this blog.

God Bless

God's got it

I know many are concerned for me because of my last post. Still, don't fret too much, I'm fine and it'll be okay, God has me, and because of this, I am not in the least afraid.
Sunday night I did some dancing in my room that would have been pretty...well ridiculous looking. It was amazing, God and I had a good time. And I am sure glad nobody else could see me..for so many reasons. It has been a while since I danced by myself in my room (as opposed to a group setting where we are learning/creating a dance). It was good fun and raw worship, no rules to follow, because nobody would judge me...well except God, but He is different.
I read a Psalm this evening, Psalm 138 to be exact. It is encouragement. David is calling out to God in thanksgiving; thanking God for not just giving him strength but being his strength. It may not hold the meaning for you that it holds for me right now. But maybe it will help you understand; I could have written this Psalm, I really feel like I did.



1 I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;
before the "gods" I will sing your praise.

2 I will bow down toward your holy temple
and will praise your name
for your love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.

3 When I called, you answered me;
you made me bold and stouthearted.

4 May all the kings of the earth praise you, O LORD,
when they hear the words of your mouth.

5 May they sing of the ways of the LORD,
for the glory of the LORD is great.

6 Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly,
but the proud he knows from afar.

7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,
with your right hand you save me.

8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands.

In the Stillness, I sit and wait

I don't know what I am about to type. I really don't know what is going on inside me right now. I feel as if i am being torn apart, not physically though... I keep crying out as if i am in anguish, but that word seems like too much for me. My eyes are tear filled, I am not completely sure why. I want to run away from myself, not my life, my self, so i know that running away will do me no good.
I feel like I am starving my being. So i keep digging into God, crying out for him to fill this void of...loneliness? I have been reading my bible, praying, singing, dancing, crying, looking to God for the answer...but I am getting nothing. I can feel him holding me, and telling me it will be okay...but He is not filling in the missing piece. I have responded countless times with "God, I trust you. God, I know that you are in control." I repeat those words over and over again. I open my bible looking for words to comfort me, fill me in so to speak, but I keep hearing the same thing...silence. My bible reading is silent, I have prayed for God to reveal himself to me in his word; however, when I leave the table after reading...I can scarcely recall what i have just read. No passages jumping out at me, no "Aha" moments where God lets me know whats going on...just silence.
I am holding on to God so tight; I am to petrified to let go. The best way I can explain it is to try to explain this picture in my head. Picture this: complete and utter darkness, a rich, deep darkness in a room...no, there is no light in here. Me curled up on God's lap. What God sees I am not sure, but I know that he does not see the darkness that engulfs me...he can see something more...something bigger. So I cling to him tighter crying "God, I trust you." Somehow even though I feel panicked, I also feel completely calm like a still, glass, ocean, I feel peace. I don't get it...but I am also okay with that, because I understand that God does get it. He is in control. Me, ha, I am just confused.

I am waiting, patiently, waiting. God has me in his arms, he isn't letting go, and neither am I.

Junior High Retreat

Oh Camp Luz, it was good to go back. Donna and I were cooks in the Kitchen for the weekend. My hands quickly became dried, painfully so, from constantly being damp and washed. But it is okay, they are getting better.
Saturday was a long and tiring day (which I enjoyed fully). The dishwasher broke, the bleach line on the dishwasher, so we (Jenny, Donna, and I) began to wash the dishes by hand. What fun, the repairman did come quickly to repair the problem...yeah God. We finished the dishes just in time for the health inspector to come, yeah God, we got a spotless report! The bleach line broke again, yeahy God, we were able to fix it ourselves. Rochell, Donna, and I sat down 5 times all day (from 7am-11pm), for meals, to fold laundry, and one 20 minute break. After we finished up in the kitchen Donna, Emily (on Video/dishwasher), and I were guards for the night game! Good times, we (Emily traveled with me for part of the game) had spiritual applications each time we caught a group.
Donna, Emily, and I stayed up late that night watching the clock do cool things like 2:34:56 (we had been watching the clock all day for the fun filled celebration that came with each sequence of numbers) enjoying a shot of Kiwi-Strawberry Juice base (that is powerful and tasty stuff), and the delicious cookie-bars...mmmm. Donna and Emily talked about Déjà vu, and were quite surprised to learn that I had never had a Déjà vu moment before, apparently most people have them. Oh well, I must be weird.

Oh, I almost forgot. Emily got a swirly! It was good fun, and in a very clean toilet (thanks to Donna).

2008 The year I graduate

So this wont be long, I should pack. Just a quick update. I started the last chapter of the the past 13 years of my life. Haha, the last semester of my Senior year! I graduate May 25, come to my fiesta!

I am taking Psychology first block, band second, I am a student aid third block in the media center (aka library), 4th block Spanish III.

I am excited about Psychology; the study of the mind is really interesting to me. So far, so good....haha but then again it has only been four days. In band we are sight reading a lot of music for contest, I love it! Sight reading is so much fun, a new challenge with each piece of music! My aiding job in the library is...not much of a job. I study, fill out scholarships, and search the Internet (today I occupied my time by memorizing my Spanish speech and reading about a political candidate online, woohoo). Spanish III will be rough, I have not had a Spanish class for over a year, and I do not remember very much...at all. Today I gave a speech in Spanish introducing myself with 11 items that "represented" me.

I have been running for track. My school is offering Pole-vaulting for the first time this year, and I have always thought that it sounded like fun, so i am going to go for it! It is probably the only time I will ever get a chance to launch myself in the air! so I am excited... I just have to get in shape now. boo

Sadly, I am not sure I can do both track and the musical..so i may have to drop the musical....and give up parts (Daisy, a dancer, and a clown).

On a better note, I AM GOING TO CAMP THIS WEEKEND! I am cooking for the Junior Highers. I am excited to go back to camp, I miss camp.

Nicole's Chemistry Quotes

Quotes of Wisdom from Nicole, during Chemistry class last year.


~ “All of life is done.”
1/25/07
-She was misunderstood Mr. Dymond who had said “All’s I’ve done.”

~ “As lame as your foot”
1/25/07
-I heard, “Where is your foot?”

~ “Trees are terrific”
2/2/07
-She was singing an arbor day song.

~ “Look, I could have a beard!”
3/1/07
-While holding her hair in front of her face.

~ “Arbor day starts with and H.”
3/12/07
-while reading her previous quotes.

~ “My face says things to you Brooke.”
3/12/07

~ Use Recyclable food”
3/16/07
- A way to save energy.

~ “You’re chicken for that?”
4/10/07
- Misunderstood me who said “I’m checking for that.”

~ “You need to be quiet because I’m old.”
4/11/07

~ “I almost talk like a Native American.”
4/11/07

~ “Isn’t it [Magnesium] in bananas?”
4/11/07

Christmas Break

Happy Birthday Mom! I love you, and am so blessed to have an amazing mom like you.

Christmas Break has been awesome. I am done working until February;the perfume place is closed, my Bosses are doing inventory in the Bahamas, and Nicole is taking over me job on the farm. For the most part I am excited, yet I am very aware that no work means no income, which means no gas money. I think I saved plenty of money this semester to make it through January and have fun with my friends...ask me again late in January. ;-)

My parents, my brother, and I went to Iowa 25-28, it was loads of fun! Kyle (my cousin, who wrote a note telling me that he is the 1st Kyle) was up from Texas so it was nice to see him again. He and Caleb cracked quite a few good jokes and had us all crying with laughter. Shannon cut my hair for me at the Salon where she works and it looks great! My little cousin Aleigha (who is now 9) hung out with me non-stop! She gave up her bed for me and slept in a sleeping bag on the floor (thanks girlfriend, you are cool). We played Apples to Apples at Ryan and Tasha's I learned quite a few different things during that night. Did you know that it is a was not a good year for cashews? Ryan thinks so, the cashews in Tasha's chex-mix just where not to up to par in his opinion. Friday it snowed about 6" looked nice, but made the gravel roads more slick, luckily the roads were cleared enough for us to head home at 8.

We got home at 3 and I slept til noon (man, that was awesome). Made it up to my Grandma Pat's at 1. There were 46 of us up there (and that is not near all us), still it was great fun. I won a Euchre game, and played several rounds of fast-scrabble. Rocked John and Jamie's baby, Braelyn, to sleep. There were a lot of babies and young children there so many of my cousins are having kids, it is just craziness. 2 of my cousins and I went to see the second National Treasure, The Secret Book, I was pleasantly to surprised. It was a fairly good movie the 3 of us agreed that it was worth the price of the movie ticket.

My parents and I took down my grandma's Christmas decorations today with the help of my Aunt Lorene and Uncle Gary. We then played fast-scrabble and ate left overs (including a cake) to celebrate my mothers birthday!

The only plans I have left for Christmas break are to take down our Christmas Decorations tomorrow, go to an awesome concert tomorrow, and work on the song I wrote. Which I will do Wednesday, Eric is going to meet with me at the Church at 4:30 to help me write the guitar part, I have it in my head, but am not the good at guitar. I am excited to work on the song! I have no idea if anything will ever come of it, but it came to me one evening and want to finish getting it written down. Maybe we will play it at MYF (youth group) some evening! That would be cool. I will see what God does with it, he brought the song to me, I am trying to do my part by getting it down.